Miss Manners Weighs In: When Thanksgiving Hosts Ask for Wine and Ice Cream – How to Respond Graciously

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a divorced woman without nearby family, I often receive invitations to celebrate holidays with friends. Last Thanksgiving, I was invited to a gathering of about 30 people. I offered to bring some homemade pies, but the hosts requested that I also bring SIX bottles of wine and containers of ice cream. Spending roughly $150 on quality wine felt excessive, especially when I noticed other guests contributing more typical items like side dishes and bakery goods.

How should I handle such requests if they occur again? I believe the hosts are quite capable of providing for their guests, so it seems unreasonable.

GENTLE READER: Future requests may vary, so Miss Manners suggests a way to respond that maintains your grace. When asked for such a large contribution, you might say: “I would love to handle dessert! I know a perfect ice cream to pair with the pies, but is it alright if I skip the wine since it’s for 30 people?”

This response reflects enthusiasm, expands your offer, gently implies that the request is excessive, and ultimately leaves the decision to your hostess.

It’s also wise to omit any reasons for your refusal (like lack of knowledge about wine or car space), as this could lead to further negotiation. Referring to your contribution as "dessert" also gives it a unified theme rather than appearing as a mere list of items.

About the Author: Chris Lehoux

Meet Chris Lehoux, an experienced wine connoisseur and dedicated blogger with a deep passion for all things wine-related. With years of expertise in the industry, Chris shares insightful wine reviews, valuable wine tasting tips, expert pairing advice, and captivating tales of vineyard visits. Join Chris on a journey through the world of wine, where every sip is an adventure waiting to be savored!